5 Signs Your 'Talking Stage' Could Turn Into a Real Relationship, According to a Dating Coach - VICE
The early stages of dating can feel both exciting and destabilizing, even for the most confident and grounded individuals. When you’re getting to know someone new, there’s always some uncertainty about where the connection is going and whether you’re both on the same page.
“At the talking stage of the relationship, you’re just trying to figure each other out,” says April Davis, Founder, Dating Coach, and Matchmaker of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. “You’re trying to decide if this is somebody that you could see yourself dating.”
Thankfully, some green flags indicate your connection is worth sticking around for. Here are five signs your relationship will move past the talking stage.
Early on in dating, it’s normal to move at a slower pace. However, if you go weeks without hanging out, this could signal a more casual dynamic rather than a potential serious relationship.
“A talking stage can drag on forever if it never makes it past DM’ing and sending each other reels,” says Davis. “If someone likes you and wants the connection to go somewhere, they’ll actually make concrete plans instead of endlessly saying ‘we should hang out.’”
Don’t fall for the person who keeps you as a pen pal. Been there, done that—and it was nothing but a waste of time.
The worst part of a failed talking stage is the slow disconnect, when one person (or both) suddenly stops responding to messages or reaching out. When you’re heading toward a committed relationship, communication should be consistent. This doesn’t mean you’re talking all day, but you should keep regular conversations.
“It’s not just one person texting first, asking questions, and trying to make plans,” says Davis. “There’s a natural back and forth, and effort is flowing both ways.”
Instead of playing games, someone who’s interested in a relationship with you should make that clear.
“The talking stage is always fairly uncertain, but you shouldn’t be confused all the time,” says Davis. “You should know they’re genuinely interested in you while there’s still a lot of mystery and mystique around each other.”
This might look like honest communication, consistent effort, regular hang-outs, and open talks about the future.
There’s a major difference between hooking up and actually getting to know each other. If you’re doing the former, your connection will likely stay shallow and not move in a more serious direction.
A good sign that a talking stage is headed for a committed relationship is genuine curiosity about each other.
“They ask you deeper questions instead of making everything flirtatious,” says Davis. “If they genuinely want to get to know you, not every conversation will turn sexual. There’s nothing wrong with flirting, but that can’t be the entire relationship.”
One of the quickest ways to sabotage your talking stage is by trying too hard to “play it cool” without ever communicating your needs and expectations. If you’re seeking a relationship, say so. Don’t hope you’ll end up there by keeping it casual.
A good sign you’re on the right path is that you’re both honest and upfront about what you want from one another.
“Instead of waiting until the 6-month mark to have the ‘what are we?’ conversation, you’re both willing to talk about your relationship goals up front to see if you want the same thing,” Davis says.
