A 9/11 widow reflects on 25 years of grief and what comes next

"I felt this duty to give back, and I still do," Marian Fontana says.

When the 9/11 attacks unfolded, 25 years ago, most Americans remember exactly where they were at the moments hijacked planes crashed into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and in a remote field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

Marian Fontana was in Brooklyn and had plans to celebrate her eighth wedding anniversary that day with her husband, Dave Fontana, a New York City firefighter. He stayed past his shift and like so many other firefighters, rushed to Lower Manhattan when the first plane struck, she said.

"And I dropped my son off for his second day of kindergarten," Marian Fontana said. "He was five. And I sat, I called [Dave] and said, 'you know, are you ready to go?'"

In this screen grab from a video, Marian Fontana speaks with ABC News.ABC NewsRelated9/11 25th anniversary live updates: Families gather for ceremonies at World Trade Center, Pentagon, ShanksvilleFontana said there was a change of shifts around the time of the attack.

After the attacks, rows of media trucks were set up along West Side Highway, more than a mile from Ground Zero where first responders and crews searched for victims.

Frank Schramm, a professional photographer, says he grabbed his camera and began documenting scenes around the city. Looking back, he says it was one of the few ways to mark history before the era of smartphones and social media.

One World Trade Center is seen in the background as flowers are left at the memorial during the 25th anniversary commemoration of the September 11, 2001 attacks at the National September 11 Memorial in New York on September 11, 2026.Angela Weiss/AFP via Getty ImagesRelated9/11 then and now: Photos show how the World Trade Center area has changed in 25 yearsReporters and photographers were often the "first witnesses of 9/11," he said, "and in a way they, by being there, were speaking to the world about what was going on."

For millions of Americans, the attacks were not something they experienced directly but witnessed on a TV screen. Regardless, the experience still left its mark.

Mindy Notheis says she was getting ready for work at her home in St. Louis, Missouri.  

"And the first plane hit, there was tons of confusion and then the second plane hit and everybody knew that something was drastically wrong and then you just saw --within a matter of what, an hour? -- the towers fall," she said.

Notheis says she recently visited the 9/11 Memorial in Lower Manhattan with her niece -- who wasn't even born when the attacks happened -- paying their respects to the thousands of names inscribed in the bronze around the twin reflecting pools where the towers once stood.

She says she has made it a point to bring her other nieces and nephews to see the 9/11 Memorial and Museum over the years. 

American flags and flowers line the memorial ahead of a ceremony commemorating the 25th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center, at the National September 11 Memorial and Museum in New York, September 11, 2026.David Dee Delgado/ReutersNew York City, its residents and families who lost loved ones showed resilience in those initial days, weeks and months that followed.

After the attacks, relatives of victims, political leaders and the public have gathered at the 9/11 ceremonies in Lower Manhattan. But many other families have marked the anniversary in private.

Marian Fontana and her son, Aidan, who's now 30, say they will go to the beach to pay tribute to Dave.

"It's a mixed bag because I'm grateful that people remember, and yet sometimes it's really hard to go back there," Marian Fontana said. "It's very traumatic. And so I've really always let my son decide what we do on that day, and I think because it's been such a public event that we've been part of, he always chooses a very private."

Marian Fontana says after 25 years of raising her son and grieving, she can start thinking about what's next. She says that includes getting back to activities like comedy and writing, along with launching a podcast called "Firehouse Files," which features firsthand accounts from firefighters and first responders.

"I wanted to give back for the huge generosity that was shown to me after 9/11 and this overwhelming flow of generosity from the world," she said. "And I felt this duty to give back, and I still do. But there was a point at which I was kind of sacrificing my own, you know, my own well-being. So I'm kind of spending this next chapter kind of focusing on myself, returning to theater, returning to the things I love, and really trying to make this last chapter a happy one."