Advice: My husband is obsessed with every new TikTok trend he stumbles across - Toronto Star

And Lisi advises a letter writer whose husband is obsessed with TikTok trends.

Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in Toronto. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca

Q My sister just told me her husband just told her he’s having an affair. She hasn’t even responded to him yet. Apparently, they were cleaning up from dinner when he casually stated he had something to discuss. She had no idea what he was about to say.

She just looked at him, walked out of the house and drove over here. She has a key and I was out, so she let herself in. She’d texted she was there but didn’t say why, so I wasn’t rushing. When I walked in, she looked at me and just repeated what he said to her word for word.

Now she doesn’t know what to do, how to respond, who to talk to, what to feel, nothing. How can I help her? I don’t have any experience in this.

A Wow, that’s a lot! It’s amazing how one short sentence can implode someone’s life. I’m sorry for your sister she’s going through this traumatic shift. It’s important she find a therapist to help her through the multitude of feelings washing over her, and to help her through this period.

You didn’t mention if her husband told her because he wants to “come clean” and work on their marriage, or because he’s planning on leaving. Either way, she needs to figure out what she wants. She should probably also retain a lawyer and speak to her accountant and/or financial planner.

Your job, as her supportive and loving sister, is to be there for her whenever she needs you. Obviously, she knows you’re a safe haven, and your home is her safe place. Keep it that way. This situation isn’t going to resolve quickly, no matter which direction they go.

Q My husband is obsessed with every new TikTok trend he stumbles upon regarding food. At one point, he was creating coffee drinks with crazy ingredients such as saffron or yogurt. He went through the sourdough stage, the make-your-own ice cream phase and make-your-own pasta phase. And, of course, he made his own pickles.

I don’t have a problem with any of it, at first. But he goes all in, buying a fancy and expensive coffee machine; then a special baking dish for the bread and all the accessories; then the ice cream machine and the pasta machine. With the pickles, we ended up with 44 jars of pickled cucumbers, until I insisted we start gifting them.

None of his projects are going to break the bank, but we just end up with stuff we don’t need when he moves on to the next excitement. How can I talk to him about this without hurting his feelings or squashing his creative personality?

A If neither of you drink coffee, then I would agree it’s time to sell the machine. Most are large and cumbersome and take up a significant amount of counter space. However, if you are coffee drinkers, just use it regularly without all the extra ingredients.

With the other kitchen gadgets, I would sit your husband down and discuss this with him. Start with “I love you” and move on to how impressed you are with all his ingenuity and talent. Then discuss with him how you can continue using the gadgets, even after his obsession has waned. For example, make a deal with him that one Sunday of the month you plan a fun ice cream party for your family, and he oversees making the ice cream.

On another Sunday, he’s in charge of Italian night and makes the pasta himself. Invite friends over and everyone can make their own dish.

And next time he gets excited about something, before he makes a purchase, ask him where the gadget will live and if it’s worth the effort.

Reader: “Every boy should have Odour Eaters in their shoes and wear clean socks every day. Odour Eaters are available at most drug stores.”

Reader 2: “Your answer may not work and crosses boundaries by telling the mother to spray her son’s friend’s shoes and wash his socks without him or his parent knowing.

“This may not be a problem of simple hygiene. The strength of the odours she describes could be coming from the boy’s feet harbouring certain bacteria. This doesn’t sound like just an ordinary strong foot odour, which is bad but not nauseating.

“My adult son, who has a disability and lives in a group home, had a problem with severe foot odour for a long time. It started when he wore running shoes without socks. To finally solve the problem, he got new shoes, new socks and daily foot soaks.”

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Opinion articles are based on the author’s interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events. More details

Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in Toronto. Send her relationship questions via email: lisi@thestar.ca