Chad Lowe’s daughter died by suicide. Why this kind of grief can feel different - USA Today
The cause of death in the case of actor-director Chad Lowe's daughter, Fiona Hepler Lowe, was determined to be a suicide.
The 13-year-old died in a hospital on Sept. 29, according to the Los Angeles County Department of Medical Examiner.
The loss comes amid a broader crisis of suicide among young people. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among youth ages 10-14 in the United States, according to the National Alliance of Mental Illness.
"We are deeply heartbroken by the loss of our beloved Fiona," the family wrote in a statement to People on Sept. 29, adding she was "a loving young girl who was smart, creative, and loved to dance."
"She was adored by her sisters and she was deeply loved by her parents," they continued. "In fact, she was the light of our lives. Her passing is devastating for our entire family and we ask for prayers and privacy at this time."
When a parent loses a child, the grief can "feel disorienting" because it "disrupts the expected life sequence," Jessica Stacy, a licensed therapist who specializes in grief, previously told USA TODAY.
Many parents, she said, carry an implicit belief that they will die before their children.
"When that narrative is shattered," Stacy said, "it can create not only profound sadness but also existential disorientation, or a feeling that the world no longer makes sense."
When someone young dies, it calls into question what we might consider the natural course of life, Doriel Jacov, a psychotherapist and founder of DJ Psychotherapy, previously explained to USA TODAY. When we lose someone so young, we’re confronted “both with the death itself but also the loss of life we imagined they still had ahead of them.”
The Lowe family’s message included information for the national suicide and crisis helpline: "If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988."
Loved ones may scramble to look for missed signs or ask themselves if they could have done more to prevent a loss by suicide. While suicide is preventable through education and public health interventions, no one is to blame for a suicide loss.
The grief that comes from a suicide loss can be "tangled in stigma," Gina Moffa, a grief therapist and author of "Moving on Doesn’t Mean Letting Go,” previously told USA TODAY.
"This kind of grief can feel isolating because others don’t always know what to say, or they say the wrong thing," Moffa said. "When grief isn’t mirrored back with compassion, it can turn inward into depression over time."
Experts, speaking generally about teens and suicide, caution that suicide rarely has a single cause. People "of all backgrounds can be at risk of suicide" and suicidal behavior "is complex," according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
Teenagers’ executive functioning, abstract thinking and decision-making skills continue to develop through age 25.
Teens often focus more on the “here and now” than future orientation and are at higher risk for attention and hyperactivity problems, which can contribute to impulsive suicide attempts, Jill Harkavy-Friedman, senior vice president of research for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, previously told USA TODAY.
“That's part of what might lead teens to act more quickly on something, to not really weigh all the risks and jump right into something that seems appealing,” Harkavy-Friedman said.
Research shows that a variety of risk factors can increase the chance a child or teen may take their life. Mental health disorders including anxiety, depression and substance abuse are correlated with higher suicidal ideation. Environmental factors − such as access to firearms and drugs, or life events like experiencing a parent’s divorce − also affect suicide rates, in addition to historical factors such as family history of suicide, childhood trauma and generational trauma.
Parents USA TODAY interviewed who lost their children to suicide say it’s most important for teens to have steady communication with their parents, which includes knowing there are open doors waiting for them, even if they make a mistake.
Resources are available for suicide loss survivors. Mental health organizations like the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offer referrals to suicide bereavement-trained clinicians and support groups for others who have lost a loved one to suicide. Groups like Comfort Zone Camp host grief camps for children who have lost a sibling or parent to suicide.
The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline’s BeThe1To website provides five action steps for opening a line of communication with a person who may experience thoughts of suicide, including asking "Are you thinking about suicide?" Listen to their answer, then "Help them focus on their reasons for living."
Moffa previously told USA TODAY that the first step in navigating grief is to stop outrunning it. To allow it to move in waves rather than in straight lines.
"We carry the loss and keep living, one moment at a time," Moffa said. "We don't push the loss away, and we don't 'move on,' but we begin to live with the loss by our side."
Suicide Lifeline: If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 any time, day or night, or chat online.
Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they text "HOME" to 741741.
KiMi Robinson, Taijuan Moorman and Alyssa Goldberg contributed reporting.
Rachel Hale’s role covering Youth Mental Health at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Reach her at rhale@usatoday.com and @rachelleighhale on X.
