Gen Z is ghosting people over dating debt. How did we get here? - USA Today

For some Gen Z daters, romance ends where the receipt begins.

A Sept. 22 study from Zelle found that 52% of Gen Z daters have ghosted, blocked or unfollowed someone at least once to avoid paying them back after a date. 

As Gen Z, the cohort born between 1997 and 2012, struggles with financial anxiety in their dating lives, the process of paying for dates is becoming increasingly stressful. Many are struggling to settle up, with some daters reporting the experience has pushed them into debt or made them resentful.

"If you're thinking about the person who was ghosted and maybe paid for the date, they may have only been able to pay for their half of the portion,” says Aja Evans, a licensed mental health counselor and financial therapist who is the author of “Feel-Good Finance.” “That can really sour a person around what dating culture looks like.”

Gen Z, saddled with student loans and entering a slowing U.S. labor market amid skyrocketing costs of living, is increasingly anxious about their financial situation, and it’s carrying into their dating lives. 

The study, which surveyed 900 Gen Z respondents and 900 Millennials, found that rising costs have affected 84% of active daters, many of whom are choosing less expensive or free activities or going on fewer dates.

Twenty percent of Gen Z respondents report going into debt to maintain a lifestyle with someone they’re dating, and 19% have asked family or friends for a loan to take someone on a date. 

“People don't realize that somebody might really be struggling financially,” Evans previously told USA TODAY. “When you don't have the funds, sometimes people still want to enjoy those aspects of life, of going out for a coffee whatnot, and maybe some nice conversation.”

As costs rise and gender roles change, the expectation of who pays on a date has also become more unclear: the study found that 28% of participants expect the person who initiates a first date to pay, while 21% say it depends on circumstances. 

Half of respondents say they either wait until the check arrives to discuss payment or wait for their date to bring it up, suggesting that who pays can be an awkward topic to broach.

The process can carry emotional baggage. About 28% of Gen Zers say they’ve reimbursed a date without being asked because they didn’t want to feel indebted. Another 24% say they’ve avoided asking a date for payment because they felt awkward, while 25% say they’ve felt resentful about paying but declined to say anything.

While ghosting can feel “like you’re protecting yourself,” Evans says open communication and being realistic about budget is a better route to holding firm to your boundaries.

“Don't go on dates if you feel like you can't afford them,” Evans says. “If you can't potentially afford to split if somebody is going to ask you to split, or you have that expectation that they are going to pay for it, name that before.”

Evans recommends her clients talk about the budget prior to the first date, regardless of who initiated it. That could mean suggesting restaurants or bars at a variety of price points or clarifying if both parties feel comfortable splitting or there’s an expectation that one person is paying.

“It could be the one person's like, ‘Hey, let's go here,’ but that might be outside of your budget, and you're like, ‘oh, here are a few other options,’” Evans previously told USA TODAY. “So you don't even have to say it, but you can provide other options that may be a little bit more cost-effective.”

Evans says it’s important to lead with honesty when it comes to conversations around budget.

“It's been so taboo that people are nervous to bring it up, and I totally understand, but I would rather people cut through the awkwardness that could happen when a check comes and not be staring at each other,” Evans says.

Rachel Hale’s role covering Youth Mental Health at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.Reach her at rhale@usatoday.com and @rachelleighhale on X.