Paul Langmack’s footy yarns were legendary. This was one of his best

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Fare thee well, Paul Langmack, the well-known rugby league identity of Bulldogs, Magpies, Blues and Kangaroos fame, who sadly passed away on Thursday morning from a heart attack after a work-out. He was just 61.

A really colourful character of the game, he was known post-career for his banter and yarns, and was a well-loved member of the Lindfield Lilywhite touch football mob.

Paul Langmack with fellow Canterbury great Terry Lamb at a reunion in 2024.NRL PhotosOne of them, Skinny Fitz, tells me this was one of Langers’ favourite yarns.

It was back in 1996, see, when Tommy Raudonikis was coaching Western Suburbs and glorying in old-style, gee-up speeches before matches to get his players pumped up.

But it was wearing a tad thin, and one of the better Wests players, Harvey Howard, gently suggested to Tommy that what the players really needed and wanted before the matches was maybe a little more information about opposing players, and even footage of what they could be expected to do? You know, Tommy, like all the other coaches in the comp do? This might get us a bit better equipped to handle the opposing sides’ danger men.

Excellent idea! Tommy is immediately up for it, and even enthused.

As good as his word, the following Monday, Tommy turns up at training and indeed appears to have done all his homework, and more. Up on the board goes a list of all the players in the opposing South Sydney team he thinks will give his men some trouble, and he starts going through the list of each particular opponent’s strengths and weaknesses one by one …

Tommy starts off targeting the Souths key ball players he feels really need to be “bottled up”, as the players look at each other quizzically, but say nothing.

“First, Tricky Trindall. He’s quick, he’s lively and he’s a f---ing menace … so make sure you bash him if you get near him.”

Master motivator: Coach Raudonikis.Sun HeraldAgain, the players look at each other, and look to Langmack, but Tommy goes on.

“Next … Sean Garlick, he’s explosive out of dummy half, and he’s inventive and shows a lot of initiative around the ruck ... so you need you to shut him down and bash him if you get a chance.”

“Next … Craig Wing, he’s young and zippy, and he’s a very, very dangerous lively utility player who bobs up everywhere ... so you really need to bash him at any opportunity you get ...”

Finally, Langers, as Magpies captain, has to act. Tommy is in full flight by this point, but Langmack jumps to his feet and interrupts:

“Look, this is an ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC new and insightful coaching concept you’re adopted here Tommy, but ... we’re playing Norths this Sunday, Tommy ... not Souths!”

Everyone, with me: As the days grow cold, and we grow old, these are the stories we tell ...

TFF wrote a piece this week lamenting the demise of retailer David Jones after it announced the closure of most of its stores, noting that when I was growing up, DJs was an institution at least the equal of the ABC and the Liberal Party.

Of course, they would always go on, just the same way “Ayers Rock” will always go on.

But on reflection, when searching for comparable once-great organisations teetering on the edge, I should also have named the Australian Test cricket team, and the batting lineup in particular.

Next year, we will celebrate the 150th anniversary of Test cricket. Up until a few years ago, it never occurred to this little black duck that the long form of the game wouldn’t go on forever, no matter how popular the bubble-gum, white-ball versions became.

But after that last performance in South Africa – where our first seven batters amassed a grand total of 24 runs – two things occur to me.

Simon Harmer speaks with Nathan Lyon and Josh Hazlewood after spinning South Africa to victory.AP Photo/Halden KrogFirstly, that cricketing conveyor belt that for the last century-and-a-half has been delivering fantastic Test batters capable of hitting one-and-the-same and even double-centuries, is on the blink, and has been for some time.

In that final Test at Cape Town, the top six consisted of two makeshift openers, a first drop who was only there because there was literally no-one else, an all-rounder of mixed performances, and two wicketkeepers.

If I can reach for the pipe and slippers myself, I remember fondly the days of Hayden, Slater, Langer, Waugh, Waugh, and Ponting blowing the bowling to billy-o before Adam Gilchrist would stride to the crease and really clean up!

And now, in the deciding Test of an important series, our line-up looked to have no clue how to hold on, build an innings, wear the bowlers down, dominate the arena as the day wore on. So used to bubble-gum that they no longer knew how to chew steak.

The second thing that troubled me was how little I was truly invested in it.

Back when DJs was really still a thing, I don’t say I was invested in every ball, but it was close. And I still look forward to a summer of Test cricket.

But that’s the way most cricket followers of my generation feel. My question is, do the players feel the same? Today, it feels like they are taking up the cudgels because that’s what the calendar tells them to do, but so much of the rest of their time is spent playing other forms of cricket that they’ve forgotten how to use said cudgels.

Now, you can call me a genius if you like, but what the Australian Test team desperately needs, is young, fresh talent, oozing enthusiasm, and joy to wear the Baggy Green – in which case it could all turn quickly.

You know, like Sam Konstas? I’d throw him in again. He cannot possibly do worse.

There’ll be a rare piece of Sydney sporting history this Saturday at Rydalmere Park when local cricket club Castle Hill Wesley will feature three generations of the Pedersen family on the field at the same time.

Granddad Gary, 72, son Tim, 47, and grandson Zayd, 16, will line up together – and not for the first time this season. Gary’s played his whole life, and is now a deeply proud grandfather having the whole family share his passion.

(From right) Gary Pederson, his son Tim and grandson Zayd will play together for Castle Hill Wesley Cricket Club at Rydalmere Park on Saturday.Hail to the sheafSheaf-tossing? I thought you’d never ask. It’s the Scottish answer to high-jumping, where instead of getting yourself over the bar, you put a pitchfork in a bale of hay, and throw it over. Winner is the one who throws highest.

It has a small but extremely enthusiastic following in Australia, in no small part due to one Kerry Mahar, a man with old-school values who could let a sheaf fly from his fork as good as anyone at agricultural shows around the country.

Sadly, he passed away this week, aged 79. Vale.

Kotoni Staggs on not singing the anthem for the Kangaroos: “I’m a proud Wiradjuri boy and I’m proud of who I am and where I come from, and me not singing an anthem doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful. I still love wearing that jersey ... Me not singing, it’s a whole different meaning to that and that’s just me.” Fair enough. No further questions.

Pope Leo XIV (formerly Robert Prevost) on his alma mater Villanova and fellow Catholic university Notre Dame coming to Rome for a basketball match: “The Pope doesn’t take ‌sides. ⁠Prevost has another opinion, but we won’t do that now.” Is this an ecclesiastical “Michael Clarke”? Discuss.

David Warner reaching for the long handle, as he was wont to do as a player, but this time in commentary as Australia collapsed against the South Africans in Cape Town: “It is terrible. It is un-Australian. There is no fight whatsoever. It is disgraceful. The batters have let the bowlers down all series. [Matt] Renshaw showed fight in that first Test, but I think the batters have been utterly disgraceful.”

Mark Waugh, pulling out the pipe, and stroking his grey whiskers: “I sound like an old guy here who played in the past – which I did, obviously – but I think world cricket at the moment, Test match cricket, is the weakest I’ve seen for 20 years. I really do.”

Geoff Lemon writing in The Guardian on the Australian cricket team: “This team’s management needs to offer decisions that make sense, not spurious justifications for ones that don’t. There is a reason supporters are so upset with the failure in South Africa. The armchair selectors saw it coming, and the highly paid ones were those left blinking in surprise.”

Speaking of which, Aussie coach Andrew McDonald: “If you look at the batting unit, I think we walk away in a stronger position.”

Steve Kerr, head coach of the Golden State Warriors in the NBA, on the forces of Trump crashing and burning in the midterm elections: “I’m disappointed, because I was looking forward to that $5000 [Trump had promised $5000 to every adult US citizen if the Republicans retained control of both the House of Representatives and the Senate]. I already spent it, in fact, I was so excited about it. I already spent it, I’m going to have to figure something out.”

Former Australian rower Ray Ebert on the sighting of crocodiles around the proposed Olympic course on the Fitzroy River: “It’s not the crocodiles that you can see that I would be worried about. It’s the ones that I can’t see.”

Legendary NFL coach Bill Belichick when asked about the break-up of his relationship with Jordon Hudson, the former cheerleader some 50 years his junior: “Do you work for a tabloid now? I’ll keep my personal comments and relationships to myself if that’s all right with you.”

The presence of crocodiles in the proposed Olympic venue has raised eyebrows.Sylvia Liber Glenn Maxwell on devoting himself to the T20 circuit: “I’m grateful for the time I was able to play for my country. If you had offered me that career when I first walked into the Vic change rooms in 2009-ish, I would have bitten your hand off.”

South Australia Premier Peter Malinauskas on the death of LIV Golf: “I haven’t had any official confirmation from LIV themselves, but I saw a report this morning, and it feels like it’s game, set and match as far as I can tell.”

Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho on the Kylian Mbappe Chinese controversy: “Those are the dangers of today’s world where often the best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut, because there’s danger in so many things you say or comment on.”

Swans. The AFLW team take on the Western Bulldogs in a final tomorrow.

Jillaroos. Defeated Wales 124-6 at the Rugby League “World Cup”. Is there any point?

Karl Bushby. In November 1998, the one-time English soldier set off from the southern tip of Chile with the intention of walking an unbroken path back to his home town in England without any form of motorised transportation, becoming the first person in history to achieve such a feat. He returned home this week, 28 years later.

Marnus Labuschagne. Made 10 centuries in his first 30 Tests, and just one in his next 39. Shades of Ian Baker-Finch? One day, the magic just goes.

LIV. And let die. After enough death twitches to kill a brown dog, it finally totally collapsed on Thursday. It will forever stand as sport’s most miserable, morally bankrupt but hideously expensive failure. Can someone check on Greg?

Wallabies. Take on England at Twickenham in the early hours of Monday morning, AEST.

RIP Alan Jones. No, not that one. The Australian 1980 Formula One world champion died this week aged 80.

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