Why teaching boys to talk about emotions could help prevent suicide - IOL

As South Africa observes Suicide Prevention Week from 4 to 10 September, the conversation around suicide is once again shining a light on the mental health challenges facing the country, particularly among men.

For many South African boys, learning to hide their emotions can start long before they understand what those emotions mean.

Messages like these can seem harmless when repeated during childhood, but they can shape how young men deal with grief, anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles later in life.

As South Africa observes Suicide Prevention Week from 4 to 10 September, the conversation around suicide is once again shining a light on the mental health challenges facing the country, particularly among men.

Figures cited by mental health platform Panda show that of the 13,774 suicides recorded in South Africa in 2019, 10,861 were men compared with 2,913 women.

The numbers point to a stark disparity, but behind the statistics are men who may have spent years believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

For 17-year-old Smangaliso Kubeka from Alexandra Township, this is a reality he has witnessed among young men in his community.

“Most young men can’t talk about anything – it’s either they won’t speak, or they will lie,” said Kubeka.

“As men, we can’t be weak. For women, it’s easier because society almost expects them to be emotional.”

Clinical psychologist Allan Sweidan, co-CEO and co-founder of Panda, says men are often less likely to seek mental health support, despite experiencing many of the same emotional difficulties as women.

“While our app is for anyone looking for mental health support, fewer men seek help or support,” he says.

The pressure to appear strong can make it difficult for men to admit that they are struggling. Instead of talking about sadness, fear or vulnerability, some may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms or express distress through anger and other destructive behaviours.

Panda says the stigma surrounding men and emotional vulnerability can contribute to issues including substance abuse, bullying, road rage and gender-based violence.

This is where changing the conversation around masculinity becomes important.

Rather than teaching boys that emotions are something to suppress, interventions can help them understand and communicate what they are feeling before those emotions become overwhelming.

Social worker Jacob Tema, who specialises in gender-based violence interventions with Rays of Hope in Alexandra, believes prevention needs to begin while boys are still young.

Tema's organisation runs an anger-management programme aimed at young boys and teenagers in the township community.

“If we work with these boys from an early age, we hope to create a more enabling and accepting environment for them once they become men to deal with their anger, grief, pain, depression and anxiety in less destructive ways,” said Tema.

The goal is not simply to teach boys how to control anger, but to give them the language to understand what may be underneath it.

A young person who learns that sadness, grief or fear can be spoken about may be better equipped to seek help later in life.

Changing attitudes around mental health is only one part of the solution. People also need access to support when they are ready to ask for it.

Sweidan believes technology can help remove some of the barriers that prevent people from seeking professional assistance.

“Being able to use a smartphone to find mental health support for issues you may be experiencing or set up a one-on-one session with a professional discreetly is a valuable tool that digital innovation enables,” he said.

Panda provides access to mental health and wellness support through its app, with the aim of giving people a private space to seek assistance and connect with professionals.

But while digital platforms can make support more accessible, the larger challenge is cultural.

Men need to know that talking about what hurts does not make them less masculine. Boys need to grow up understanding that vulnerability is not the opposite of strength.

And communities need to make it easier for people to say, “I’m not okay,” without fearing ridicule or judgement.

Suicide Prevention Week is therefore about more than remembering those who have died. It is also an opportunity to ask what can be done before someone reaches that point.

Sometimes prevention begins with something as simple as creating a space where a person feels safe enough to speak.

Because being strong should not have to mean suffering in silence.